Week 11

This week we talked about parenting. The three most important words that you can ever say to your child are, "I love you."

President Thomas S. Monson said, “To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood you need more than your own wisdom in rearing them.”

Growing up in a large family it was harder to show how we felt. As a child I remember after early morning family scripture study and prayer I would get up and walk over to where dad was sitting on the couch and say bye just before he left for work. I would give him a hug and a kiss and say, “I love you”. Dad would do the same to me and reply with, “love you too kiddo.” After a few years of growing up I was about to go into high school, and I wouldn’t do this anymore. Years had passed since I had done this as he left for work; it was often said, “Bye dad! Love you!” as he would walk out the door each morning. A lot of things changed from when I was a child and did so much with dad like working on the cars by handing him specific wrenches and tools to eating popcorn while watching a movie together and falling asleep in his lap. When I got older I hardly ever heard him say those words to me. Even though it was rarely heard, he was able to say it to me when I needed it most.

I think that it is important to tell your children that you love them, as well as show it in some way. It is important for them to know of the love you have for them when they are young as well as their journey throughout the rest of their lives. As parents we need to show we care and love our children, but we shouldn't be over-bearing.

Week 10

This week we talked in class about the role of a father and how important it is to have a father in the lives of children in the home and it really hit home for me. I really liked how Brother Williams started out by sharing statistics, and then went into how it is important from a religious perspective and then you had us talk about how we can get our families working together early on. I know that from personal experience that having my dad there all the time really helped me out because I was able to learn so many things from him. For example, hard work; we worked together as a family every weekend and sometimes we loved it and sometimes we didn’t, but we were able to learn from our parents. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the twelve apostles said, “Work together as a family even if you are able to get it done quicker yourself.” Going back to working together as a family every weekend… Dad knew a lot and he often had to teach us how to do things even if he could get it done quicker by himself. He taught us last four girls how to change the oil on a car, even though it took twice as long. He taught us how to rotate tires on the vehicles, he taught us how to take care of the yard and assigned jobs such as mowing; he often timed us because he said he could do it faster. He taught us what service was and helped us reach out to our neighbors, young and old, to prune their trees, or mow their lawns. We had an elderly widow woman that lived across the street from us growing up and mom and dad had us going over to her house at least three times a week just to talk to her and see how she was doing and help her with things that need to be done that she couldn’t do on her own. The four of us girls would go over every Friday after school or Saturday morning and mow her front and back yard, and she would come out and watch us laugh and giggle as we took care of her yard. She even let us plant a garden in her backyard, so as a family we did the prep work, planted, and took care of the garden we had planted. Through these experiences our dad was there, and was willing to help when we needed it. Having a father in the home is important for a child’s growth. Without that connection of a father a child misses out on a lot. I think it is important to have a father in the home because it has helped me in my life.

Week 9

This week we had a class discussion on anger which was really eye opening to me. I think it’s so true what you said about anger in our families. Brother Williams said something along these lines, “We learn from our fathers that it is ok to be angry with those we love but no one else.” I think that it is so true. I know growing up in my home we weren’t allowed to be angry and when we were dad would somehow make us laugh it off. In public we weren’t allowed to show much either. Mom never got angry, and when she did it was more of I’m upset because I shouldn’t feel this way; it was never I’m upset because of you and what you did. We also talked about if it was possible to be angry and not sin. I thought that was interesting and I liked how you tied in grace, edify, and venting into this class, and how nothing good comes from venting; which I also think is pretty spot on.

One of the class lessons that I will definitely implement in my future home is the discussion we had on family council. In my family we had family home evening and if there were things that needed to be talked about, it was then that that happened; but it was never this is what we need to talk about, it was always what dad says goes, and that is how it was run. I think that getting each child’s opinion and input on a subject is important because it allows a child to think for themselves as well as practice their speaking skills in a group of people. There were times when dad would ask what we thought, but we hardly ever felt like we could really say without being criticized for thinking that way so we never really spoke up. I think family council is important, because it allows for an open discussion if done right and opinions can be voiced and then as a family you can make a final decision together.

Week 8

This week we talked about how to cope as a family when crisis comes along. We talked about the coping in a swimming pool. The coping is the rounded edge on the swimming pool. This coping protects the pool by preventing the water from getting inside the layers of plaster. The coping is rounded and it protects people from getting hurt badly, and it is also non-slip. The last thing we use it for is when we start out on learning how to swim. We learn from the pool coping that it is helpful to prepare ahead so that we don’t hurt later from the repercussions of crisis later on.

Cloe Madanes talked about how in certain situations a person’s “spirit can be hurt”. She also talked about how “secrets keep you sick”. In order to cope as a family through tough crisis it is important to be open with what happened. In some cases you may need to seek help from a professional; not everything can be solved through just talking it over as a family; sometimes we need extra help.

Week 7

This week the thing that I found really helpful, but hard to talk about, was intimacy. My parents never talked about this in our home. They let us watch the family life video at home with mom, but after that it was, “it’s bad unless it is within the bounds of matrimony.” It is hard to talk about intimacy, but being in class and hearing opinions and things that help was an eye opener and I think that it will be very helpful in the future. We talked about how “Adam knew Eve and then conceived”. I think that it is important to really get to know someone before we jump into it. I also thought it was interesting to learn about the different effects it can have on someone. If we don’t take the time to learn and get to know someone before we become intimate I think that it can have a bad impact on the relationship; but if we have been practicing transparency in our relationship, I think that it will be easier to talk about and discuss the things that were good and the things that could possibly be worked on. Some of the bad effects can be regret, not willing to do it anymore, avoidance, and bad experience. To help with avoiding these things we can communicate better with our spouse. I think that communication is the key to a good and happy lasting marriage.

Week 6

When engaged and getting ready for the wedding day or even when dating I think that it is important to talk about what you plan on doing about certain roles. For example you need to talk about who will lead family scripture study and prayer if you decide on doing that. Other things for the wedding like how much to spend, and who pays are other things that need to be decided early on in the engagement. Another thing, find out how they sleep. There were a lot of things that we talked about in class that I never even thought about, but I know that if I just did my thing not knowing how it affected my spouse, that I would feel terrible finding out that it hurt him. I would never want to hurt my spouse. Budget, budgeting is another important thing that should be talked about and who spends what money, or if you combine accounts and share. My parents' accounts were combined, and every time we went shopping with mom for things that we needed dad would scowl. Yet mom let him buy all the junk that he wanted at yard sales that would fill our back yard and it would turn into a junk hole. There were some things that were useful, but at least half the time we asked where he wanted it and every time his response would be "in the backyard". I love my dad, and I love my mom. Some of the things though, I just didn't understand. It comes down to need and want. To my dad it was that is super cheap!, you can't get one of these for that price very often. (I think that's where I get it from) And he also says, I could use that down the road, so I guess he's pretty smart. In my future marriage, this is one of the things that will definitely get discussed because I want to be able to play in the backyard with my children without having to move everything out of the way before we can do so. There are so many things I learn in this class, and I love it!

Week 5

We talked about dating, and marriage this week. There were so many things that I learned, and connections that were made that just made sense. It was like Mr. Gru from Despicable Me when he said, "Light bulb." I had never thought of it like that before, and it was awesome! Here is a little something I learned.
We learned about the three P's of dating, which are Paired off, Paid for, and Planned. By dating you are accomplishing different things. You are able to practice marriage commitments, you are learning to be partners by pairing off, you adapt to norms, you are socializing, and it helps you realize changes that you need to make. The three P's of dating go hand in hand with the three P's of marriage which are: Preside, Provide and Protect. That's where I had my "light bulb" moment, it clicked in my mind. By going on planned dates with someone you are able to make decisions together, pay for each other, and look out for one another. You also do all these things in marriage, and believe that after you are married you should continue to go on dates with your spouse.We also talked about the difference between dating and courtship. Dating is with a variety of different people and a variety of activities. Courtship is dating one person exclusively and you both are ready for marriage. We talked about who was the best judge of who you should marry. Is it you or your roommates and family? Its been proven that it's roommates and family, but if I let my roommates decide who I date I would need to "have my head checked" as my sister says. I completely agree with family, because family is important and you grow up with them. You live with them for 18 years or more and your family would know you best. You are going to live with your family and you and your spouses' family forever. You don't necessarily get to live with roommates for the rest of your life. Between you, the Lord and your family I think that those are the opinions that truly matter. I believe that dating really does prepare you for marriage, as well as how you are raised, and that the opinion of your family matters a lot when it comes to who should I marry.